Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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