so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
