Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
