Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
