You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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