the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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