i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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