anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My vagina just clenched in fear
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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