i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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