Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
