I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
