I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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