Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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