just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
