Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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