There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
