What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
