it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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