I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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