I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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