My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
