Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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