Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
