ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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