Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
