this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
