Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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