it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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