Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
