I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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