I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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