I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
