We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
