You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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