Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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