Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
