i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
