the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
