I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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