He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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