In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
