So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
