I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
