We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
4 words: hood of his car
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
