i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
