It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
