We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
