What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
