In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
