How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
