Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
