Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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