Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
