I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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