My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
