Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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