Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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